THIS IS THE STORY OF FINDING A JOB AND THE EMOTIONAL AND DIFFICULT DECISIONS TO BE MADE: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE OFFER IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH BUT THERE IS NOTHING ON THE HORIZON? READ ABOUT HOW LIFE HAS CHANGED FOR KIRSTEN SEVERAL MONTHS AFTER MAKING THIS CRITICAL DECISION.

Kirsten (that is not her real name, of course) and I have known each other for several years. I connected her to her last job and we have continued to periodically catch up and discuss her accomplishments at work. We have always had a relationship of trust and honest communication. So, when I asked if I could tell her story to help other job-seekers, she agreed.

Kirsten is an upper middle level manager in marketing communications in a mid-sized Western city. She has developed an expertise in working in professional services environments. This is a very difficult niche to succeed in, given the need to win consensus for new initiatives and to meet the demands of all the participants in the decision-making process. There are frequently political undercurrents which require an astute “read” of the dynamics of the situation.

She had been in the job for 3 years, had built a team and was making headway with the partners to enhance the communications effort and support the growth of the company. However, there were signs that she was losing the political battle, and she did not recognize the significance of those signals. It is all too common that the individual most impacted by organizational politics does not recognize (or denies) the seriousness of the situation and is shocked when s/he is asked to resign.

That was precisely how Kirsten felt in the summer of 2006. Based on her productivity and commitment to the organization, she never believed she would be asked to leave. It was such a shock that it took a month to experience a gamut of emotions that allowed her to move on. She realized, only afterwards, that the loss had had such a major impact on her. She also felt she had to endure those emotions so she could emerge ready to move in a positive direction.

Kirsten received a generous severance package, so there was no practical reason to panic and immediately take a new position. And her friends advised her not to rush. That was hard for her, since emotionally, she wanted the security of quickly securing another job just like the one she had left. But she resisted acting upon her emotions and kept listening to the advice she was given. She had a wonderful network of friends and colleagues and she reached out to them for help.

During the first few days while she was still experiencing the shock of loss, she called her colleagues and left voicemails in the evenings, telling them that she was moving on, actively job hunting, and leaving her contact information. There was an outpouring of responses offering to help. That support was critical and made it easier to immediately begin the job search. After two weeks that flurry of activity slowed down.

After every conversation, she sent an email and a resume. Kirsten said she sent notes to about 70 people. That interaction helped her emotionally and led to more recommendations and new contacts. She suggested lunch or coffee wherever it seemed appropriate. She met with 25 people as a result of this effort and always offered to pay. She felt it was an investment in her job search. It was exhausting but necessary.

She was consistently gracious and followed up with everyone. That landed her interviews. As Kirsten says, “you never know where the next job lead will come from.” When people didn’t have much time to meet in person but did take her call, without fail, she asked for ideas and about additional people to contact.

The key she said is in following up. She tapped her connections through a professional forum she belonged to and started with emails, which she said is less intrusive. In the end, tenacity is critical. “I kept sending thank you’s and was diligent and did not get ‘down’ while I was job hunting. My parents were particularly supportive and said ‘our family keeps going; keep your head up.’ That really helped me.

She said, "When I first started searching and interviews were scheduled shortly after I began, I thought I would get a job right away. It doesn’t happen that quickly. I had to learn that’s not the case. I learned those job interviews were practice.

"One interview with a high tech company lasted three hours and I came pretty close, but I didn’t have all of the pieces. I needed to learn that job hunting is a process and this was one experience. After all the time I spent there, the employer did not send a “no thank you” and, I learned that most don’t - only a few do. However, after every interview I emailed each person I met with a specific note tailored to the conversation we had had, usually within 5-hours after the visit. If after an interview I wasn’t sure that the opportunity was a good fit, I would wait a day.

"If I had a really good interview, I would send them a book that is my bible called, ‘Raving Fans’ by Ken Blanchard. It is a short book, focused on customer service, and I bought eight of them and gave away six by the time I had landed a job. That approach sets you apart.

"I kept plodding along and the process took so long. One client said a decision would be made in a week; two months later the job was still not filled. It was through a recruiter and I stayed in touch. Timelines aren’t real. So many times I would get excited about a job and then the company would put on the brakes. The search was a learning, growing experience and I felt it was good for me, but there are times when you do panic.

"Then, there was the first job offer and I knew it was coming. I had been through two rounds of interviews and I was asked to do a presentation to 7-people from different parts of the company. This was a pretty tight-lipped organization and there was not a lot of feedback about how I had performed. I thought I had done well and the follow-up in the emails was very positive. Prior to the second round, the Human Resources person expressed concern about the pay range since I had earned significantly more in my last position. I thought I could live with the difference but it meant a long commute. I thought there was some wiggle room."

At that point Kirsten called me. She had the offer in hand and nothing else solid. There was another very interesting job with a public sector organization just developing, but no interviews had even been scheduled. Yet the new opportunity seemed to be a much better fit.

As we analyzed the offer and the actual job, I saw that the demands of the position and the commute would become a serious burden on the family (she has young children), keeping her away from home for 12-hour days. I also thought the compensation level was too low and would be further eroded by the cost of the commute. Kirsten was lukewarm about the culture. It seemed to me that unless she could arrange to work from home on a regular basis and negotiate for a higher salary, it would only be a stopgap position.

I advised Kirsten to consider one of two directions as she thought about her response. One would be to simply say, “It is not a fit for my family and me and turn the offer down with no further discussion.” The second option was to say no to these terms but indicate what her concerns were, leaving the door open for further negotiations—the money was too low and the trip too much of a burden for a 5-day work week. It was Kirsten’s decision about whether to say yes (not my advice) or a flat or qualified “No.” This was a very tough choice considering the alternative – continuing to look with no serious prospects in hand.

Kirsten decided to turn the job down and leave it open for further discussions if they could "fix" the problems. The response from HR was, “there is nothing we can do.” That told Kirsten that her observations about the culture and their lack of flexibility were right and not taking the job was the correct decision. But it was very hard to turn it down.

"I leaned on all my friends and trusted advisors. All their voices kept saying, ‘You will be fine.’ I needed their courage not to be scared, so I could say no. But it was hard. "There is the other piece to this episode. I said ‘no’ but left on a very positive note, despite my deeper negative feelings. (I took the high road. You never know if you will see these people again).

"It was now September, three months into my search, and the market started to heat up. By mid-month I had 20 interviews lined up over 3-weeks. Everything started popping and that was scary. I was going full out and by Friday evening I was so exhausted.

"I started to pay careful attention to the signals from each interview. Certain jobs seemed alluring, others not. I tapped my friends to talk the issues out and continue to explore opportunities. I heard about ‘stuff’ that was ‘off the record’ and I just listened. Then in an interview I asked questions that allowed me to explore what I had heard. If a company did not permit working from home and I sensed I would be working for a controlling supervisor, these were red flags.

"I went to lunch with my executive coach and I ran these opportunities by her. She said the red flags were deal breakers. I had to give up exploring these positions and it was hard for me. I was not in the best frame of mind." The Real Deal "I had an interview, which was one of many I heard about through a List Serve. I saw it as soon as it was posted and I responded immediately. (I made sure that all of these announcements came to my home email address. It was how I stayed connected.)

"The position, as described, was well below my skill level. It was titled, ‘Team leader.’ The description was focused mostly on tactical work. The company was in a new industry for me. I knew I could do the job but it was not a perfect fit.

"My strategy was, even if a job is not a perfect fit, I will open the door. This job felt too tactical and junior. Despite that, I emailed them immediately. I found out that the salary range was half of what I made. I realized the company needed more than tactics. It needed the strategic approach that I wanted to bring to the job.

"I was called in for an interview and told one of the partners what I could bring to the table. We really connected in the meeting but the job was not a solid fit, and the compensation was an obvious issue.

"I wrote a thank you note, and in it I demonstrated how I could help and what ideas I could bring to the company. I said, ‘I heard you and what you need. Here are examples of what I could do.’ I meant what I said. Again, I contacted a friend to help me focus on solutions and create a well-written, powerful note.

"The CEO called me and explained that she and her partner had met with a business consultant who said to them, ‘You absolutely need the strategic help.’ The owners were operationally focused and openly admitted there was a gap to fill. The consultant advised them that if they wanted the company to grow, they needed to hire someone who had the skills and experience to effectively guide them down the right path.

"So, they upgraded the level of the position, to ‘Marketing Director,’ redefined the job and significantly increased the salary. Even with that increase it was still far less than what I had been earning before. Everything seemed so right. I didn’t negotiate to squeeze out every dollar I could. I realized how much they had extended themselves to make the offer. Also, there is the potential to buy into the company, at a later date, which is a great incentive for me and worth the financial trade off.

"The two owners absolutely respect the balance between my personal and professional lives. They will allow me to work at home two days per week, which is so valuable. I couldn’t put a price on that. I said, ‘Yes.’

"This job was one of three I was considering at the time. It paid the lowest, yet it made the most sense for me and my family. The first week on the job I felt out of sorts. Why, I asked myself?

"I did make a choice that was different from my previous work experience. It didn’t feed my ego in the same way my previous job had. There was also the fear of change and moving to the ‘edge’ of a new level (of responsibility). I felt emotionally drained.

"This is a new environment where I see myself making healthier decisions. This is a shift I had to make. After a short time on the job, I realized everything the owners said was true. I met their managers who gave me the same message. They are so happy to have me on board. I am feeling really good. There will be bumps, as in any new position, but this is a good place for me.

"I contacted everyone when I landed to tell them the good news – I reached out to every single person who had helped me during my search. Of the 20 interviews I went on, only one wrote a ‘no thank you’ and was very encouraging, even though I wasn’t right for the position.

"In my former role, it was about survival and being on the defensive. I still got a lot done but it was so draining. Here (in my new job) I do not have to prove myself every day; this is very liberating and they want my leadership. I didn’t realize how challenging my previous company culture had been until I could look back and see things for how they really were."

"Would you do this any differently?" I asked Kirsten about the job search. She said, “Not a bit. It was painful but I learned so much and grew dramatically. I believe that life is a journey and sometimes the road ahead is bumpy and uncomfortable, but in the end, it always works out for the best."

Several months later, I checked back in with Kirsten. I’m happy to report she is feeling the decision was the right one.

“All is going extremely well. I love my job and enjoy being appreciated, respected and valued. My life has changed significantly. I feel I have let go of all that extra baggage and I am freed up now to do what I do best - lead my company in its marketing and business development efforts. And I have managed to keep my relationship with my former employer intact and positive. This is a small town, and there isn't a week that passes where I don't run into someone from my former company. It feels good to be able to tell people that I landed in a great place and love what I do. I still have a huge learning curve in my new industry, but that makes it even more interesting.

“Also, my family has more of me these days. I am more relaxed and generally have a better attitude at the end of each work day. That is refreshing and so important. I work from home a couple of days a week, I am exercising religiously now and I just feel good!”